I Think This Was the Way We Were

Only three of us are left and like the old joke, we're not feeling that great.  Out of nine people in my "nuclear" family, just three remain.  I remember a time in my young years when all I wanted to do was distance myself from these people; now I miss them everyday.

Dad and Mom are gone.  Darlene and Jerry, Derald, and Roy have all left this planet.  Envisioning them, I see them still together and enjoying their time.  I suspect there is lots of laughter and some general silliness.  Deep conversations, too--each is plenty smart and able to analyze and enjoy those kinds of exchanges.

Oddly, I never considered the nine of us a big deal as families go.  We certainly had our share of problems and from the oldest to the youngest, a span of seventeen years often divided.  Now, in this last quarter or so of my life, I miss that family so much. I do not believe I have idealized them.  We were unique.  Lots of people commented on it.

Laughter.  Boy, from dad down the line, everybody had the ability to be hilarious. Loud and outrageous, humor bubbled up in most situations. We fought with equal energy.  Memory is a beautiful thing.  At some point not so long ago, I let go of any unpleasantness, and I realized that together we made up one huge personality--the Brocksmiths on 14th and Ohio. That entity is missing right now.  I mourn not just individuals, but the whole.

It has taken me sixty years to appreciate what a wonderful family it was.  Depending on each other was a given.  Times could be tough.  As a family we fought battles common to today, but unique in the fifties and sixties. We intimidated some, shocked a few, but on the whole friends and family gravitated to us.  In case we did something, they wanted to be around to see it.

I remember only vaguely when we all lived together.  Older siblings married; we younger ones carried on. Nieces and nephews added on.  We grew.  At the heart though was the nine.

First, dad, the best father/bachelor I have known.  I'm not sure he knew what to make of us.  I believe there were times when he wondered who we were.  He usually escaped to the sanctity of his bedroom, but there is my own witness of playfulness--chasing mom around with a dead rat.  How we laughed while mom screamed!  After a few beers he liked to sing.  He had a short repertoire but we didn't mind.  He sang and danced.  We delighted to see this side of a normally reticent man.

Mom, well, she broke all the rules.  Working full time in an era when women were housewives only made me feel weird at the time. Now, I am so proud of her.  Generous and fun loving, all birthdays were national holidays. She was earthy and sincerely religious all at the same time.  Believing anything could be accomplished, her children picked up on this.  We all went farther than anyone expected.

Darlene, Jerry, Derald, and Roy displayed mom and dad's best characteristics and many unique to each.  Again, humor is a common thread.  Fearlessness propelled them.  Anyone around them might hear and see just about anything.  Laughing and confident, each attracted many friends and sometimes fans who just wanted to hang out with them.  Commonly accepted by the women in the family is the observation that all males in the group were cocky.  And they were usually not obnoxious, these guys navigated their lives with confidence.  We adored them.

We kind of all look alike, that is the seven children.  It is indicative I believe of many common characteristics.  Each personality is solidly individual, yet so much alike. In future blogs I will hopefully be highlighting these amazing people. My message today is a simple one.  Once I belonged to a family of nine people; I underrated that connection for many years, but now I know how much of me is really them.  Brother Jack, my sister Vicky undoubtedly feel similarly.  We were a family.  We still are.